My husband, a pastoral counselor, believes wholeheartedly that the key to intimacy is empathy.
What does empathy look like? Roger teaches (couples, primarily) that we have to experience the feelings that the other person is having to truly understand their pain or shame or rejection. And when we truly understand those feelings (because we have also felt them), we will share an intimate connection.
This kind of empathy allows the "sharer" to feel as if he or she has (finally) been heard and the "listener" to actually feel the emotions/pain the other is bearing.
Empathy is the opposite of indignant, angry, judgmental or rude.
Take this week to be an empathetic listener (more on the call).
Be encouraged,
Becky
I was so glad for this call and the technique in how to be an empathic listener. I am headed up to my mother's house where I do want to show love to my brothers who are care givers for my mom. Having "love show up in a new and powerful way." Becky's call has given me the encouragement to show up at my mothers house when I didn't really want to go. ( I get on a plane in the morning) This afternoon I went to a sick friends house to encourage and pray for her. I tried to use the technique but not sure if I succeeded (identifying the feeling will take practice) but I do know the friend felt loved before I left. Will be gone for a few days hoping to hear about ways others have been empathic this week. I will let you know my stories when I get back. Take care and have a blessed week.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I sort of do this already, or at least try to. I am forever saying, put yourself in their shoes. How would you feel?--both to myself and other people. I know I can do better, but I try to look at things that way when I can. Unfortunately, I get upset that other people do not think like that and do not give people second chances. Hope that makes sense?
ReplyDeleteI did "TRY" this with my son. He is not doing well a school and he needed to stay after school to complete 4 assignments. When I said he had to stay He just starts to cry. I tried to understand the emotion. Not sure exactly what it is. Just a feeling of being asked to do something he is not able to do. Not sure WHY. I have also felt this feeling of "overwhelmed" and tried to see if I could feel the same. Still not sure about what the answer is in helping HIM.
ReplyDeleteOver the course of being with my brothers I listened but never got to the point of the empathic experience to identify with the feeling. Before I got on the plane to come home I thought how hard this assignment was and then something incredible happened. I had the window seat middle seat empty and a young 20ish girl was on the isle. She informed me that she was anxious about flying so I just talked to her tried to take her mind off the take off etc. She told me she felt like she was going to die on this plane. I told her about my trip to Africa and how traveling on a bus that broke down in the congo I felt the same way and the verse in the bible that I kept saying out loud. At one point when the turbulence was bad I moved to the middle seat and wrapped my arms around her. She fell into my chest. I prayed out loud over her letting the holy spirit comfort her. I so felt that God had me on that plane for that girl. I told her that God was looking out for her that when she needed comfort he provided for her. Funny part for me was I purchased a early board pass and then had trouble with my rental car that I was late to the gate and just had to take the first seat available. It was the seat God had intended all along.
ReplyDeleteMickey, Sounds like you were empathic with your son. I, too, don't know how to help my son, who is struggling, but God does so let's keep praying for our boys.
ReplyDeleteHere is what amazes me...this course, all my online courses for that matter, require that each of us apply the principles to our lives each week. When I see how God is speaking to each of us--right where we are at--I realize how He personalizes everything we read or learn to make us alert to what He is doing in the world around us. We are His ambassadors as much as we are the parents of the young ones He gives us. I'm so proud of each of you when you post about, apply, and digest the assignments each week. It reminds me of the classroom assumption: those who sit in the front row, learn the most:)!
ReplyDeleteKeep posting, applying, and digesting!
Be encouraged,
Becky
Wow, what an amazing story Robbie! You are so good about sharing what is going on in your life. I am walking through some tough stuff now and all I can say is, life is tough, but God is faithful! I am a "Mercy" - one of the 7 redemptive gifts of the Spirit. I am especially empathetic - so much so that I wish I wasn't at times because I am extremely sensitive and compassionate. I cry everytime I go to "mom's in touch" and pray for our children. I cry a lot, almost daily in prayer time. I need to share more with the group. Right now my daughter needs the computer so I must sign out!
ReplyDeleteWe had a question at Bible study today on how we like to be encouraged or how we can encourage others who are down. I said be a good listener, find maybe a way you can relate with the person and dont ramble too much. I was thinking Empathy. Well, my leader took it differently, saying it applies between believers. But no, it applies to any and every human we come in contact with. Without giving up our Christian principles of course, but we do need to show this to the world. And I believe even non-believers can take note and maybe think about how they treat other people.
ReplyDeleteI'm thankful for this course, as it manifests in ways I dont even know!
Carol,
ReplyDeleteI just cry or got teary eyed when I read over the posts again.
Robbi, Yes I am at war with the enemy over our boys and I also know that GOD has a good path for them and keep praying that way. THAT NOTHING IS IMPOSABLE FOR GOD.
Laura,
I agree....with you. This assignment is a good way to help us be more empathic ... and I was going to say...."TRY" but remember that we want to do better than just "TRY" ... I will... be a better listener...and ask about feelings.
Carol,
ReplyDeleteJust wanted to share about a teacher that I go to once a mouth His name is Dick Eastman. He shares and tell jokes and once he shared that he felt that GOD had given him a tender spirit. And when he tells stories I just feel drawn to listen when he gets choked up and teary. I KNOW he feels GOD is close to him.